D e a r g o o d f r i e n d w h o b e t r a y e d m e s t a b b e d m e i n t h e b a c k a n d l i e d a b o u t i t ,
Can a heart break twice at the same time?
There are so many times when I wished I could just throw it all up and detox
Tears weren’t getting it out fast enough
And there is pain still almost a year later
The longest hang over I’ve ever had
I finally found all the pieces of my heart again (and then some)
Trust, faith, hope, love, happiness, sanity
I sewed the pieces together, but the stitches are still there
I can still feel the knife where you stabbed me in the back
It sucked life out of me
I laid nights in a row crying myself to sleep repeating to myself over and over:
“How could you do this to me?”
“I thought you cared about our friendship”
“Why?”
After all these times I believed in you and stood up to those who didn’t
After all the dinners, the movies on my couch, the heart to hearts, especially the ones about him
After all the times I reached out to you, include you, introduced you to people…
Introduced you to him
You chose him over our friendship and lied behind my back
Leaving me feeling fooled by the fools
Your betrayal of our friendship baffles me and leaves me confused and desperately searching for answers, clarity and closure to the question, why?
I am still disturbed at how much I instinctually searched for answers in myself, when in reality they would be impossible to find because it wasn’t my fault
I ridiculously minimized the amount of fucked up you created
And even taking on the your guilt as something that I should help to smooth over
I realized how conditioned I was to take care of others and not allow myself to feel anger
The anger that I desperately needed to feel if I was going to get out of this with my full self intact
My instinct to take care of others even at the cost of myself is something that he must have intuitively felt in me, and misguidedly took for safety and care
It is also something that he must have seen in you
I am incredibly happy to now say that I am handing it all back to you
I am leaving it outside your door and you can do with it what you like
All the guilt, questions, tears, anger, fear, shame, responsibility, confusion, loneliness, the knife and him
It’s yours
Just remember that you have choices with what you do with it
You can run away from it or you can own it
I would be lying if I said that I forgive you, but I am letting go
Because I have to in order to be free of this
I’m letting go of feeling sorry for myself, of being angry at both of you, of caring at all about how you are doing and if you are still with him
These heavy bricks that I’ve been carrying around are now yours
And now I feel stronger and happier than I have since I was a child running off to my next adventure
You are not my friend
You are not someone who I will support, take care of, console or invite into my home
I wish you the best
But that is all that I will give you of me
A sliver of hope for your next Obama campaign
ARE YOU DATING A MACTIVIST REALITY CHECK QUIZ:
Does he make you think you’re special?
Nah, he tells all the girls about how they are going to have his babies, move in together and change the world.
Do you think he cares about your feelings?
That guy is the most selfish, opportunistic,
self-centered mother-fucker I have ever met.
Do you think you can change him?
That is what he wants you to think so you can continue to use up all your attention and energy on him instead of yourself.
Do you think you can save him?
All I can say is to save yourself from him.
It’s not your job to save him!
Do you think he’s righteous and down?
The political is personal.
If he can’t treat people close to him with love and respect, how is he supposed to treat the community with love and respect?
You think he loves you?
He can’t love anyone because he can’t love himself.
Can a heart break twice at the same time?
There are so many times when I wished I could just throw it all up and detox
Tears weren’t getting it out fast enough
And there is pain still almost a year later
The longest hang over I’ve ever had
I finally found all the pieces of my heart again (and then some)
Trust, faith, hope, love, happiness, sanity
I sewed the pieces together, but the stitches are still there
I can still feel the knife where you stabbed me in the back
It sucked life out of me
I laid nights in a row crying myself to sleep repeating to myself over and over:
“How could you do this to me?”
“I thought you cared about our friendship”
“Why?”
After all these times I believed in you and stood up to those who didn’t
After all the dinners, the movies on my couch, the heart to hearts, especially the ones about him
After all the times I reached out to you, include you, introduced you to people…
Introduced you to him
You chose him over our friendship and lied behind my back
Leaving me feeling fooled by the fools
Your betrayal of our friendship baffles me and leaves me confused and desperately searching for answers, clarity and closure to the question, why?
I am still disturbed at how much I instinctually searched for answers in myself, when in reality they would be impossible to find because it wasn’t my fault
I ridiculously minimized the amount of fucked up you created
And even taking on the your guilt as something that I should help to smooth over
I realized how conditioned I was to take care of others and not allow myself to feel anger
The anger that I desperately needed to feel if I was going to get out of this with my full self intact
My instinct to take care of others even at the cost of myself is something that he must have intuitively felt in me, and misguidedly took for safety and care
It is also something that he must have seen in you
I am incredibly happy to now say that I am handing it all back to you
I am leaving it outside your door and you can do with it what you like
All the guilt, questions, tears, anger, fear, shame, responsibility, confusion, loneliness, the knife and him
It’s yours
Just remember that you have choices with what you do with it
You can run away from it or you can own it
I would be lying if I said that I forgive you, but I am letting go
Because I have to in order to be free of this
I’m letting go of feeling sorry for myself, of being angry at both of you, of caring at all about how you are doing and if you are still with him
These heavy bricks that I’ve been carrying around are now yours
And now I feel stronger and happier than I have since I was a child running off to my next adventure
You are not my friend
You are not someone who I will support, take care of, console or invite into my home
I wish you the best
But that is all that I will give you of me
A sliver of hope for your next Obama campaign
ARE YOU DATING A MACTIVIST REALITY CHECK QUIZ:
- Does he make you think you’re special?
- Nah, he tells all the girls about how they are going to have his babies, move in together and change the world.
- Do you think he cares about your feelings?
- That guy is the most selfish, opportunistic, self-centered mother-fucker I have ever met.
- Do you think you can change him?
- That is what he wants you to think so you can continue to use up all your attention and energy on him instead of yourself?
- Do you think you can save him?
- All I can say is to save yourself from him.
- It’s not your job to save him!
- Do you think he’s righteous and down?
- The political is personal.
- If he can’t treat people close to him with love and respect, how is he supposed to treat the community with love and respect?
- You think he loves you?
- He can’t love anyone because he can’t love himself.